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“Sometimes I’m weak and sometimes I’m strong…”
Social Distortion is playing in my tiny bit of heaven in November. They are playing with one of my fave bands, Lucero. This would be a dream concert to attend. By November will I feel like it? Who knows. On September 4th I am getting my 1st (and maybe only) tattoo. Wow! Life is changing. Maybe
So, a friend of mine passed away recently. Passed away into the universe. Passed away to feed the worms and dissipate energy into the wilds. It was rather unsettling to me. I had fallen out of touch with him. I had forgotten (chosen not to send any) to send a Christmas card which had become our last mode of contact over the last few years. I feel like an ass. I want to be the girl who keeps in contact with everyone – even if it is just to send out the cards at the appropriate times. I have failed at that recently. I need to re-adopt it! I need to reach out. I need for everyone I care about to adopt the same social networks that I am on!
In addition to the (however slight) physical change I am going to be undergoing, I have recently stopped taking birth control. I am now sterile. On purpose. I am also undergoing new hormone readjustment. Do you realize how birth control pills affect your hormones which affect basically everything for a woman? Yeah, so now I have the natural hormones attempting adjustment and wreaking havoc. My doctor has changed my anti-depressant at my request. My body is trying to adjust. My mind is trying to adjust. It has been super hot here over the last 2 months, and my MS is adjusting to that. I’ve been moody and weak and lazy lately. I am trying to adjust. Now it is very important to have a good support system. I am trying to get mine in check. I’m not sure how right now, though. A very smart Jedi Master once stated, “Do or do not. There is no try.” but I can damn well tell you that I am a master at trying. Fuck that Jedi Master! Tee hee. There is such a thing as trying. That is how I get through my days.
I’ve been trying to walk 10K steps a day. I have been failing each day, but I continue to try.
I have been listening to many audiobooks as I work. I have been reading on my Kindle in bed each night. I continue to realize how much I love reading. I love fiction. The Kindle came to me care of my husband. I think he only begrudgingly supports this hobby of mine. But he does support it. I need that. Support system member number one. My husband.
I am TRYING to not be quite so negative. I am not sure if it is on the outside only yet. But I am TRYING. It is strange because several people around me have had friends/family pass recently, but just as many people are expecting births. Life is a roller coaster. Emotionally, and physically. All the way around.
I would like to see some of the great music coming to my town. Natalie Merchant, Aimee Mann, Lucero and Social Distortion. Music is good.
Life is good.
We are all lucky to have it, whatever it entails. And I love you all. I will try to be better at keeping in touch.
August 25th, 2010 at 3:56 am
Maybe it’s because I haven’t read your writing in a while, but this feels (reads) differently than what I’m used to. What have you been reading lately? You are communicating in a foreign cadence.